A reason for it all...

I've been told that God has a reason for everything. I have always believed this but after searching for the meaning over a long period of time with no answers, you really start to wonder. For years I had been battling depression and all that it has to offer. If you have ever been severely depressed you know that your thinking changes and you begin to lose hope. I began to question God and why He would allow me to feel as bad as I did for so long and not help me. It didn't take long for me to think of God as one big bully. I quit praying, going to church, and allowed myself to fill with anger at the mention of God.

In March of 2008, I met someone who would change it all.

Marcus and I met on a blind date set up by his coworker and my parents. I am somewhat of a hermit and my parents wanted me to get out of the house. Marcus had recently moved back to Stillwater and needed someone to show him around (or so they said.) Needless to say, we hit it off from the beginning. We didn't have much in common beyond the fact that we were both pretty much at rock bottom.

Somehow, in the next several months we both managed to pull each other up and glue ourselves back together. Neither could have done it without the other person. Looking back now it is so obvious to me the meaning it all. We were both so beautifully screwed up that we wouldn't have met if our lives had worked out the way we had planned. (Don't get me wrong I still wish I could have learned what I know now a different way, but I don't think things would worked themselves out quite as well.) After hitting rock bottom, then being squished 30 feet beyond that, God brought me someone who could pull me up past the happiest I have ever been. No, things aren't perfect and I still have a lot of work to do in the faith department, but I have proof that God works in mysterious ways and He does in fact, listen.

Bubba the Great

Eleven years ago my mom, Leah, and I took a trip to pick up a present for my dad. His present happened to be furry with four legs. When we got home my dad was working out in the backyard. When he saw us he walked over to greet us and that is when he met is new son for the first time. For the first few days, we toyed with names - Lincoln, Goliath, and Bubba. After much consideration we decided Bubba suited him just fine.

As a puppy, Bubba was very clumsy. My favorite memory is of me setting him down on a hill, him losing his balance, and rolling all the way down it. Thankfully, he was a nice plump fur ball so nothing seemed to hurt him. Over time, his ears and paws where the first to grow. Often, he would be walking with his head down and step on one of his ears, causing him to do a little flip. After a few training lessons Bubba turned out to be a very laid back, well behaved dog. Guests would comment on how funny his personality was because it matched my dad's so well. In the later years, Bubba is known to greet guests then go back to his shower and sleep a little bit before coming back out and checking out things around the house. Bubba is my dad's pride and joy. The son he never had.

This morning I received a call from my mother telling me that in the middle of the night she heard a rustling in the bathroom. When she turned on the light she found Bubba alert, but struggling to get to his feet. His hips are finally starting to give. From the beginning my dad has said that the day Bubba starts to loose his quality of life, we will put him to rest.

With my dad at work my mom asks if Ed (my dads best friend) and I would go to the house and start digging a grave. We haven't made our decision yet but we know that the time is not far for Bubba to leave us. With freezing weather upon us we knew that we needed to start digging before the ground gets too hard. So today, at 10:00 Ed and I broke ground on what will be Bubba's final resting place. I did so good at not crying, with Ed beside me I didn't want to burst into tears and make us both feel uncomfortable. We talked about cooking and after an hour, we were finished. Bubba sat in the yard enjoying the fall weather not a care in the world as to what we were doing.

Tomorrow at 12:30 the vet will come and give us advice on what is in Bubba's best interest. I ask that you keep my family in your prayers as we are about to lose a very important member of our family. We will miss him very much.