Oh the bun in my oven...

Warning - This post will get a little personal... Men, I don't suggest you read...

Marcus and I (well mostly me but still) had planned on being married for about a year before we started trying to get pregnant. We got married in October 2010 but come January I was ready to start discussing it. We decided on a 'pre-babymoon' to Jamaica in May where we spend our last big trip just the two of us. Most of our family and friends knew that this was some kind of a last get away but weren't actually sure when we would start trying.

Now, call me crazy but I had no idea about the emotional roller coaster that went along with trying to conceive. Several (and it felt like most) of our friends actually got pregnant the first time they tried or weren't even actively trying SURPRISE!! So, I had it in my head that this would be a piece of cake. Marcus on the other hand, was correct in thinking otherwise. I've never had a 'normal cycle' as doctors would say, I can go anywhere from 1.5 months to 2 years between cycles.

Okay, so we got back from Jamaica and 2-3 weeks later I took a home test, negative. A few days later I took another one, negative. I was disappointed but knew it was only the first try and was excited to get to try again. Being female, I knew that some women do not ovulate in the middle of their cycle so I bought ovulation tests to see when I ovulated. Two months went by and I still hadn't ovulated. At this point we are in July and I was getting very frustrated which isn't a good thing to be only 3 months in TTC (trying to conceive) Worried that I didn't work right I called my doctor and explained the situation, he prescribed Clomid. A pill you take on days 5-9 of your cycle and around day 12-14 you go in for an ultrasound to check out how your ovaries/eggs look. If things look good, you get an HCG shot (to help the egg drop) and go home bada-bing-bada-boom TADA!! I should mention however, that there is a 10% chance of twins. Twins would be rough on my little body but who am I kidding? I want kids and this seemed like the easiest fix. I set a day on the calendar to take a home pregnancy test and the night before I woke up with the most awful cramps I had ever experienced. At 3am I found myself in the fetal position in a hot bath tub. Finally morning came and I took a test, a very very faint but visible 2nd line. It appeared that we were pregnant. Because the line was so faint, we decided to wait few days and test again before we called anyone or made any appointments. It was only a few hours after we took the test did I realize something was wrong, I can't explain it, it just didn't feel right. By the next morning it was clear that I was no longer pregnant. I called my doctor confused as to weather we had a false positive or did I (as I was almost positive) have a miscarriage? A few days later I went in for blood work that confirmed what I thought. I know that having a miscarriage is a very emotional experience but I was so thankful that 1. We had only known a few hours and didn't have a chance to get attached let alone wrap our heads around the fact we were pregnant, and 2. though we miscarried, it was proof that our problem was fixed! I worked!

The most frustrating thing about that whole ordeal was that because it all happened so early and so fast, no one believed me (family) that I was having a miscarriage until I had blood work to prove it. I know my body and what isn't normal and those extreme cramps were not normal.

Anyway, Doc wanted us to wait a full cycle to try the Clomid again. Needless to say, the second time is the charm! At 4.5 weeks I went in for blood work that came out great, and at 8 weeks we had our first ultrasound where we saw the heartbeat (and yes there is only one bun in there) and today we went in (two days early) for our 12 week appointment and got to hear the the heartbeat. We are due June 17th and couldn't be more excited and terrified! Yay!